On observational comedy.

So, the Star makes appropriate noises for a selection of animals and thinks all forms of transport make basically the same sound.
It’s cute, but you can teach dogs to do tricks too.
Yesterday the Star was rolling around on his Babushka’s bed getting ready to have his afternoon nap. As well as screaming his head off when [...]

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On this one amusing is.

Now this is what you call geeking out.
He he he he he.

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On words and phrases that will be banned come the revolution, part three.

You have decided to ban the word ‘however’.
Not because you dislike the word. On the contrary, it’s one of your favourites. You spent your entire university career bashing out essays where the argument was hanging by a thread and the words, ‘and’, ‘but’, ‘however, and ‘thus it can be seen’.
Luckily you’ve matured since then. Nowadays [...]

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On swinging both ways.

‘Bilinguals,’ says a book you have out of the library on the subject*, ‘are like hurdlers.’
This is not reassuring.
Partly, of course, because as the mother of a proto-teenage boy you are ever alert to potentially dangerous situations and the first thing that comes to mind is not ‘Oh, good god, how will we afford the [...]

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On the garshok.

So the Star’s first word is officially ‘poo’.
Or rather, it’s a strange coughing sound which means ‘poo’.
This is his Babushka’s fault.
Ever since the six month mark she’s been lobbying hard for you to use a… damn, forgot the English word again… oh yeah… potty with the Star.
Despite your best efforts to ignore this, the fact [...]

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On chickens and eggs.

On first seeing the Star, everybody so far has immediately exclaimed ‘Oh! Doesn’t he look like B!’
Which makes you sulk a bit because you think he has your eyes. Even if they are grey.
Luckily, one of your friends immediately added, in a comforting sort of way, that babies always do favour their father because it’s a survival [...]

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On the fear of fur coats.

How long did it take you to start seeing the Star as something of a research project?
Four and a half months.
Which is how long it was before he jerked you from the edge of sleep into fully awake one morning by lying in his cot and burbling ‘Dada’. And ‘Dadee’.
Oh perfidious Star.
Although it wasn’t the actual [...]

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On more comparative linguistics.

Incidentally, you did find something new out in your first trimester, and that is that it is impossible to sing while pregnant.
Unfortunately, you discovered this by collapsing in the middle of the winter concert of your choir.
Interesting programme. You have now added two new singing languages to your repertoire: French and Russian.
French, the conductor spent [...]

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On how to endear yourself to your tutor.

You’ve just finished writing an essay all about the qualities of a good teacher and the kind of teacher you’d like to be so you thought you’d round it all off by listing some of the greatest moments you’ve endured while attempting to teacher others how to teach English as a foreign language.
You probably ought [...]

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On korrect speling.

When you were about nine years old you were extracted from the classes that everyone else was attending in order to do extra nature study.
It was one of those half arsed efforts schools make sometimes towards catering for ‘gifted’ children, the quotation marks there being entirely justified as the lesson you were lifted out of on the grounds [...]

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