You’ve always been particularly fond of this splendid entry into the debate about whether or not to simplify English spelling, usually attributed to Mark Twain:
For example, in Year 1 that useless letter “c” would be dropped to be replased either by “k” or “s”, and likewise “x” would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which “c” would be retained would be the “ch” formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform “w” spelling, so that “which” and “one” would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish “y” replasing it with “i” and Iear 4 might fiks the “g/j” anomali wonse and for all.
Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez “c”, “y” and “x” — bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez — tu riplais “ch”, “sh”, and “th” rispektivli.
Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
You can’t help thinking the inventors of txt spk might owe him some royalties.
Well yeah, they are all over that with text speak.
Just trying to read that makes my eyes cross and suddenly I am not so annoyed at all the spelling classes I spent hours of my youth on.
I love the idea of text speak, but the actual reality of trying to process it makes me want to weep.
Two writing systems is enough for me.
I even refuse to attempt Russian in Latin script these days because it all just gets too much and I can’t read or write anything faintly coherent for a week.
I’m quite thankful for other people’s spelling lessons too.
Well some people type text messages using real English. I do. Most writers I know do.
I suppose it’s about switching gears? If you deal in carefully crafted words and phrases written one way it’s more bother to have to think about it another way that to just write it longhand.
I get the distinct impression that people who text a lot feel the same way about writing in non text speak in other mediums. The only excuse I can see for writing application forms in text speak is that you just don’t realise you are doing it.
I must represent the Third Way in this argument. I just stand there muttering how do I turn this precfuckingdictive fuckity text the fuck off and solve this problem by not texting at all.
Or is it more the outrage at the bastardisation of language for you?
Oh it is totally a snob thing. In the old days in real time conferences you knew who the real writers were because they all wrote full words out and the whacked out newbie crowd did things like this is 4U! I try to beat that into my students too. “If you do that you will be mocked and ostracized by the other writers and nobody will play with you at recess.” And it is true.
*Grins* Quite right too.
Sadly my attempts to do something similar tend towards total failure. Somehow the threat of being laughed at by other English teachers doesn’t quite have the same punch.
Do you give points for how quickly they fall into line or for holding out for an elegantly face saving period?
Face saving? In my classroom?
[cue evil laughter]
*Admires evil laughter and ruthless classroom management*
Well I am the teacher, they are the students. There is no face to save for students. And it would be really stupid to ignore what I tell them pretending they knew better. They do not know better. If they did, they would not be the students, they would be the teacher. [shrug]
I find the simplified text interesting and surprisingly easy to read. See, it seems to me that the pattern resembles Finnish because, in the Finnish language, we spell words exactly the way we pronounce them, and vice versa.
Originally, the Finnish language didn’t contain the letter C, it came later with imported expressions. Neither did it contain the letter Z, I think.
You won’t find combined sounds such as ‘ch’, ’sh’, ’sch’ or ‘th’ ‘ since every letter is pronounced seperately and never in combination.
I once talked (in Swedish) with an English lady working for a translation company, and when I gave her my name, she asked me not to spell it out, she would like to try herself first.
And you know what? She got it right!
And her comment was ‘Wow, you Finns really DO spelll exactly like you speak!’
My last name, by the way, is Rautiainen. 6 wovels, 4 consonants. And a majority of the Swedes manage to get it completely wrong.
Inspired by your example, Max, I spent fifteen minutes when I should have been doing something else teaching my trainees how to use the word ‘however’ yesterday.
I do sympathise, Ti. Since my maiden name is a bastardised French name with extra dots British people can’t spell or say it properly, although that doesn’t stop them trying.
Russians can’t say, and it is physically impossible for them to spell, my first name.
And oddly, Russians frequently misspell my new surname – but it’s Russian you fools! – and British people don’t even try to say it.
I’m ‘Mrs I’m sorry I can’t pronounce that’ over here now.